…yep, 10 years… 6 days ago we celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary!
Now 10 years is nothing compared to the 40 years my parents have been married and is definitely a mere wink in time compared to my in-laws who have been married more than 50 years. But it has been a decade and worth celebrating and so we did.
Now those of you who know my husband well, know that he is not the romantic sort and not into celebrations as much as i am. So it would be no surprise to you that i had to state, in no uncertain terms, to my husband that i fully expect a celebration of sorts. i left the details to him… hmmm… maybe i should have been more specific?
Oh, don’t get me wrong – it was a good effort on his part and i fully appreciate it. But he decided to keep where we were going a surprise. Normally if we were leaving together from the house that would be fine. But i had a seminar to organise and attend that morning and had assume i would be able to get home and change before we set off for the celebration dinner.
Nope. He called me after i finished and asked if i could take the train directly to Geneva – he was 5 minutes too late with that call. i was already on the train, heading home. So it was decided i would meet him and the boy at our train station. Now why was all this a problem?
Because i was wearing the wrong shoes – i was wearing my “transport-to-chair” 4 inch ankle boots (only for the 3rd time) and these boots were definitely NOT made for walking. However, walk we did as we were early for the dinner.
Where did we go? We went to the Singapore restaurant in Geneva, called Jeck (i think). It is located fairly near the main train station but it was in a neighbourhood i consider to be a little shady. The servers were really nice and the variety on the menu good. We only ordered a few dishes as it was just the 3 of us.
The Mulligatawny soup was not bad, a little too peppery for my taste (personal preference). The spring roll was more Vietnamese style than Singaporean, which i quite like. The duck was ok, the fish good and the claypot tofu average. It was a good overall dining experience.
But we think it is a little too far for us to get to. We literally took the train there, had dinner and had to take the train home or it would be too late for the boy. Also we think that in terms of food taste and variety, the Singapore Restaurant in Zurich is a little better and not as far away from us.
Now some of you might ask, “10 years huh? Any words of wisdom?”
Sigh! Words of wisdom i think not but i will share you with what i have learnt personally in 10 years of marriage.
1) Pick Your Fights – that’s right, it is not worth fighting about who left the toilet seat up or who should clean up after dinner. Save your energy for the big ones – such as what colour to paint the walls… hehhehee… no, just kidding. Seriously though, you need to think about what is worth fighting about – will your marriage or life together fall apart if you don’t bring this matter up? Does it bug you so much you can’t sleep?
2) Fight Fair – there is a right way to fight and a wrong way to fight. Never attack your spouse’s character or person. Point out specific behaviours and say how the behaviour itself makes you feel or how you perceive specific actions or spoken words. And keep the past in the past – no fair bringing up things you have not spoken about for months or years. You would not want your spouse to do that to you, so show the same courtesy.
3) Laugh Together – lots of laughter is good for your health and for your marriage. Try your best to have more happy moments than upsetting ones. (something i learnt in our marriage counselling sessions) i always tell people that i married my husband because he makes me laugh. And it is true, i look at him and i can’t help smiling. It is one of the reasons i can’t stay angry with him for very long.
4) Be Encouraging – you like it when people tell you, “Well Done.” Just because you are married to the person doesn’t mean you stop telling that person how good he/she is at what he/she does. You will find that people tend to do more of the things people say they are good at. So if you want a spouse who helps out more with the housework, then bring on the showers of “Thank You. You are a great help.” for every little bit done.
5) Be Proud – boast of your spouse to others. And it doesn’t hurt if he/she happens to overhear the bragging. It’s nice to know you are appreciated and overhearing such praise will bring sunshine to anyone’s day which will shine and shine.
6) Be Alone – it is ok to be alone and do your own thing. You don’t have to do every single together, just because you are married. This used to upset me – i wanted so very much for us to share all of the same interests. We do have some shared interest but we enjoy different activities too, and it is ok. i write, i craft, i read, i photograph. He has his football, his various online newspapers, his guitar, his tech stuff. You have to learn to be yourself first before you can come together as a couple. i learnt that the hard way.
7) Be A Team of 3 – for us, this is very important; it is me, my husband and God. God plays a very important part in our lives. He is the third person in this marriage and God holds us together. Our faith in Jesus Christ binds us together.
The above list is in part inspired by Lydia Netzer: 15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years.
Click here for last year’s celebration.