So what are you? A 1-child person? Maybe you like 2 so they can play together? Or maybe you want more??
i used to be the 1-child person & i’m still happy to keep & stay with my one & only cutie-pie. However, after a few years of hearing people say 2 is better & more importantly my darling hubby wanted another one… so anyhow, after a few years, i decided at the beginning of this year – maybe another one would be fun – why not? BUT… Now hubby wants to wait – so we’ll have another one at some point in time – just not quite now.
Why talk about this? Well, my Expat_Moms_In_Switzerland shared an interesting “rant” ( not quite an article) about how mums of 1-child are constantly questioned by mums of more-children. Read the “rant” here.
i can see both sides of the argument which is why i have gone from a firmly “1 & done” to a “maybe another one”. Why was i on the 1-&-done side? Well, i was an only child for 12yrs of my little life before my bro came along & i think that my parents only wanted 1x. i was never really lonely during my growing up years – i sometimes feel more lonely now that i’m all grown & living hundreds of km from family & friends i grew up with. i had me & lots of friends to play with. i also loved reading & read tons! i don’t think i would be such a book worm if i had siblings to “distract” me 😉
Of cos, the flip side is i only had people to play with when i went to school or when my neighbours could come out & play – but i never felt that i missed out in anyway at all – in fact, i loved being the only child – the princess of the house ;p But most definitely i can see how having a sibling when i was growing up would have been a lovely thing. i would have had someone to get up to mischief with – hahhahha 😉 & perhaps someone to put the blame on when things went wrong – like when i broke my mum’s nice plate & hid the pieces at the back of a cupboard – when mum found them, it was no use denying – there was only me – hehhehehe 😉
But back to the question – what would i want for my little bud now? What would i want for my own little family now? i want the best! i have always felt & still do feel that the 2nd child would never have the same love & time & privileges showered upon him/her. From the moment he/she is conceived, everything would have to be shared. Of cos, people tell me that it would be made up for with the love from his/her sibling. & sharing would become a big part of all the children’s lives.
Would my little boy grow up to be a selfish person if we don’t have another one? i don’t think so. i was all grown (12yrs) by the time my bro came along & i’m completely the opposite of selfish – that’s not to say i’m a completely selfless person (i can be extremely selfish) – it’s just that i never learned to say No – so have always taken on more than i can handle & it has been a long hard road to learning that i can’t do everything & help everyone & make everyone in the world happy – which was what i strived to do most of my teen years (still sometimes do now thot less).
Of cos there’s the question of sibling rivalry – is it all that good? Can we have siblings without fighting? Can sibling rivalry really teach us to give & take? Don’t we already do that when we have friends? i don’t know – although i have a brother now – he is 12 whole years younger & yes we played & love each other very much but the fighting was different – most of the time, i knew better than to fight with him & i think i dote him more than fought with him. i used to always save my pocket money to buy him sweets almost everyday on my way home from school.
i know siblings who absolutely hate each other, i know kids who get blamed for everything just cos they are the middle child or the oldest. i know siblings who are only very cordial towards each other as adults – that’s really not what i want for my family – i know it is all in the upbringing … but i wonder if i’m up to it – teaching 2x little persons to be good, nice decent grown people??
ok now i’m just babbling… so i’ll get off my soap-box & leave the rest of the comments for you to fill in…
Oh what’s my personal conclusion? Everyone should do what is best for themselves, their family & their personal situation. i love to see how different family situations work & how sometimes they don’t work. It goes to show that there is never a 1x perfect solution/answer that would work for everyone.