trippingdifferently

June 3, 2013

Don’t Be a Resolution Writer…

Some of you know that i was hit by the writing bug a few years ago when a friend introduced me to Nanowrimo.

i have always been an avid reader and have always loved the world of words; words are very important to me; i love how they can convert an idea, share an emotion, flesh out a character, reveal a secret, paint a picture, create an entire world and so much more.

Nanowrimo made me realise how much i liked to write as well. So i made a resolution to keep writing. Unfortunately, it remained a resolution. i have written in the last 3 Nanowrimos but can’t seem to keep up with writing daily or weekly or monthly or even with finishing any of the stories i have started writing.

i have, however, started following quite a few writing blogs and one of them is The Write Practice. And this recent post, Don’t be a resolution writer, made me sit up and think hard. And i know i am just that, a resolution writer.

It’s the days that don’t inspire that separate an in-shape writer and an unhealthy writer.

So i have been an unhealthy couch-potato writer, sitting in front of my computer reading about writing and about other writers instead of actually putting words down on to paper or in these days, in file.

Why? i was tired, sick, not inspired, too hot, too cold, stressed, too late, too early, wrong music, didn’t feel like it etc… If i am honest, the simple answer is that i have an ideal in my head about how/when i would write; i was waiting for the so-called perfect circumstances to meet that unstoppable inspiration.

BUT…

“A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper.”

The Write Practice is so right! The will of the writer needs to prevail!

And these are the points i will bear in mind on days i don’t “feel” like writing:

Calling yourself a writer is a privilege that many wish to do, but never will. When that privilege is understood, you’ll take a new approach to your writing.
Look at those times you don’t feel like writing as gifts to practice – like swinging a weighted bat before stepping up to the plate.
Writers write. If it’s who you are, you won’t be able to make any decision other than to write.

So i am writer (not amateur writer, simply writer) and therefore i will write!

syc

PS: i’m thinking of posting snippets of what i write… sometimes, not all the time, to keep me on track, accountable so to speak. Would that be a good idea?

May 31, 2013May 31, 2013

To Yell or Not To Yell…

… that’s the question! (be warned, this is going to be a stream of consciousness post.)

Yes it is! It has been a question which has occupied my mind before, in passing, at that point i decided i couldn’t deal with it. Then a couple of days ago i came across this post. And over the last couple of days, i had my son’s best friend stay with us for 48 hours, yes for 2 whole days i was a mother of two 😉

Now i have had this boy stay over with us before, quite a few times, usually just a one night thing (evening till lunch) and i have even taken him with us to a farm stay for two nights. We have had no problems and the boys get on really well, even though there were always times they fight/disagree. But for some reason, this time round, i had yelled so much more. i don’t know – they were just rowdier or it could be the phrase of the moon – who knows?

It is no secret – i’m a yeller. (See this post.) And yes i always feel bad after i yell. So when i read that post from Orange Rhino, i could identify with some of what she wrote but i disagree with some of it too.

For example,

2. My kids are my most important audience.

While i can understand where she is coming from, and i fully agree that if you have self-control in public, you can do the same in private, i have to say that i am not my son’s mother to get praises from him. This, likely, has much to do with my Asian upbringing. We are taught from young that we respect our parents, regardless, because they are our parents and everything (i mean EVERYTHING) they do is for our good, whether we see it or not. (Here’s more about that.) So being proclaimed “Best Mummy” is not a viable goal for me.

However, i heartily agree with the following statements:

4. I can’t always control my kids’ actions, but I can always control my reaction.

9. Taking care of me helps me to not yell.

Back to what i was feeling, i was feeling terrible for yelling so much over the last couple of days. And i kept thinking about this Orange Rhino Challenge and maybe i should do it. So i read about the 12 Steps and the Alternatives to Yelling.

The 12 Steps i like very much, it makes the goal of not yelling doable. The Alternatives to Yelling had me smiling through most of it. But i don’t think i would be able to use some of it, such as:

1. Run around the house

i live in an apartment (92m sq), filled with furniture, not much room to run around it. 😉

29. Go read favorite page of 50 Shades of Grey

Don’t have the book, don’t intend to or want to purchase it. 😛

37 . Open up the freezer and put head in

If you have been to our apartment or any small apartment in Switzerland, you would know it is not possible to put your head in the freezer! ahhahaa 😉

Ok so far, i’m leaning on the side of trying the challenge – at least for a month or a couple of weeks? Maybe?

THEN… i read this other post today! And i nodded through it. It is hard to not re-post it in its entirety here because i do love every line he wrote! But i will show restraint and post only what is related to yelling…

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison.

… and an encouraging line or two or three…

You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.

One of the reasons we are so exhausted is that we are oversaturated with information about the kind of parents we should be.

So maybe it’s time to stop reading the blogs that tell you how to raise the next President who knows how to read when she’s three and who cooks, not only eats, her vegetables. Maybe it’s time to embrace being the kind of parent who says sorry when you yell. Who models what it’s like to take time for yourself. Who asks God to help you to be a better version of the person that you actually are, not for more strength to be an ideal parent.

So where am i going with this post, my post?

Well, i don’t know. (i did warn you at the beginning.) i guess i’m still processing and i wanted to tell mummies and daddies out there:

You are doing the best you can. You love your child/ren. You feed them, clothe them, make sure they get an education, love them, have fun with them, hug them, talk with them, take care of them when they are unwell, you worry about their future, you hope and pray they will be well, strong, kind and show love to others… and much much more… You are doing the best you can so give yourself a break, take a seat, kick off your shoes, breath and have a drink (not necessarily alcoholic).

And whether or not i will take the “not yelling” challenge, we’ll talk about that another time. Until then, i intend to take the following advice from Orange Rhino when yelling situations occur:

94. Count to 10. Or 100. Or 1000 until you calm down. (forces one to regroup and get perspective)

95. Walk away (more opportunity to gain perspective)

96. Take a deep breath (if one is breathing, one can’t yell!)

97. Whisper (don’t know why this works, it just does!)

98. Turn the Lights off (the shocking factor stops kids in tracks and adds calmness)

…

100. Grab your hands together and squeeze (a great release)

Here’s to a relaxing parenting weekend! (Hopefully?)

syc

May 29, 2013

They Could Be Brothers…

Who am i talking about?

i’m talking about Wesley and Shane. You all know Wesley, whom i have been shouting out for and praying for since October 2012. And i have written about Shane before too (read here). i’m now both Wesley‘s and Shane‘s prayer warrior.

Dear Shane has been waiting so long for a family.

Sweet Wesley needs a family to help him live a full life.

Do you see what i mean by they could be brothers? But they are not. They are in the same country, but different regions. They are, however, born in the same month of the same year, which sadly means that they will both be aging out of the adoption system in their country in less than 15 months!

They share the label of ‘orphan’ and they both have the same condition, albinism and vision issues (which are really minor special needs – you can read more in this post). They both need loving families to care for them, to give them the opportunities which their current situation does not afford them.

Won’t it be wonderful if they were both adopted by the same family? Even if they aren’t, just having a family to love and support them would mean that these boys can have the chance to show off what they are truly capable of.

They need a mummy and a daddy who see the beauty they have inside of them and outside too.

i was recently introduced to Positive Exposure, a not-for-profit organisation, which utilizes photography and video to transform public perceptions of people living with genetic, physical and behavioral differences – from albinism to autism. (Their) educational and advocacy programs reach around the globe to promote a more inclusive, compassionate world where differences are celebrated.

i think what this organisation is doing is a most wonderful thing! i hope, pray and wish everyone can be introduced to their program and learn to accept other people’s difference and not judge based on appearances.

The founder, Rick Guidotti, puts it well:

“…it was essential for people to understand and see the beauty in our shared humanity…”

So can you, would you see the beauty in these 2 handsome boys? Look beyond their skin colour, their eye problems and see them for who they are; young boys who need a loving family to help them navigate this world which is full of prejudice.

Could you be that family who welcomes them into your home and be blessed with a little more beauty in your lives? If yes, please contact Reece’s Rainbow to find out more.

You don’t have to adopt to make a difference to Wesley and Shane. You can do a very simple thing; you can pray for them, pray for their daily needs and most of all, pray for a forever family to come for them. If you would like to commit to praying for them (or just one of them) regularly, please do sign up to be a prayer warrior for them (like i am).

You can do another practical thing to help. You can share their stories with everyone you know. With the power of social media, we never know who we can reach. So please do share their stories. They need a family and you can help.

There is one more thing you do. You can give towards their adoption grant. Click on their picture or name to go to their individual profile page to contribute.

Wesley currently has US$1487.90 in his grant, because many of you were so generous in giving to the giveaway we ran last November. But he would need more because the costs of all the paperwork to adopt is just so high. So please give whatever you can. Every bit counts.

Shane currently has only US$27.50 in his grant, which is really nothing when you find out that the average adoption (we are talking about international adoption because their home country’s society isn’t big on domestic adoptions of special needs children) costs somewhere between US$25,000 to US$40,000. So do give generously. Again, every little amount counts.

Thank you for caring for these boys.

syc