Yes, kids can be mean; my boy has seen his fair share of mean kids and the mama bear in me wants so very much to go and knock some sense into these kids who use their words as a weapon and do mean things to get a laugh. BUT… i don’t …
Why? One reason is because i can’t express myself sufficiently well enough in German to get my full intent across. Another reason is sometimes (just some of the time) i feel my boy needs to learn to stand up / speak up for himself.
It’s a fine line and one i have lots of problems walking along because my boy is a sensitive child and what people say to him and about him really does bother him a whole lot!
Like just the other day, on the way home, his friend called him dumb. Apparently for no reason and without provocation. He was upset and felt that all the kids must think that. When he left to go back to school for the afternoon, he didn’t want to walk with his best friend because his best friend was already walking with the friend who called him dumb. They were ahead of us and kept looking back. My boy was upset, thinking they were talking about him and how dumb he is. i told him that may not be true and that he should be the bigger person and just let it go.
Yes, easier said than done.
i wanted so much to go up to the other boy and ask why he called my boy dumb – but i didn’t. i wanted to call his mother but i didn’t. Should i have? i’m not sure it would have been the best thing.
i read this article yesterday – What to do When Someone is Mean to Your Child – and it hit home
And what she said to her boy is exactly what i want and need to say to my boy.
My boy needs to know that mean people will always exist regardless of how good you try to be and that we should never try to please people. We live by God’s standard.
My boy needs to know that what people say of him / about him does not define who he is. He is a well-loved son, grandson and friend and most importantly, a beloved child of God.
My boy needs to know that he can be assertive without resorting to physically hitting back.
My boy needs to know that there are people (like his teachers, us, grandparents, uncle etc…) he can go to if he needs to; when bullies get to be too much.
My boy needs to know that God’s standard means we need to be kind to everyone; it’s a way of showing God’s love to the people around us. And the kindness he shows will come back to him.
My boy needs to know that bullies can sometimes be victims themselves and he needs to be like Jesus and try to see the possible good in a person and see how he can help.
It is a tall order and i hope that my boy will learn it and be the kind friend. He won’t learn it all at once but bit by bit i pray he will grow into that kind of person.
So what do you do when someone is mean to your kid?