Yesterday was our 11th Wedding Anniversary!
i have been married for 11 years – that is … WOW!
Has all been happily ever after? Nope! We are not a fairytale. Has it been frustrating? Definitely (at times), as every relationship is. Has it been loving? Yes! Why else would we have gotten married in the first place. Has it been challenging? Of course! After all we are taking two very different people and getting them to live under the same roof and build a life together. Has it been exciting? Yes! Exciting to get to know each other more, exciting as we move to a whole new country together, exciting as we became a family of 3 and we look forward to more exciting years. Has it been wonderful? Yes! It has been wonderful knowing there is someone in this world who would be there for you, someone who would come home and be happy to see you there, someone who cares enough to let you finish the last ice cream on a hot summer’s day, someone who would let you talk his head off and look interested even if it’s a topic he doesn’t understand, someone who makes you smile.
11 years isn’t a long time but it isn’t a short time either. And through the years i have learnt lots.
The article below sums up my thoughts on a lasting marriage:
1. God is Your Father-in-law.
While i tend to think of God as Father to both of us, it works the same work. Being accountable to God for your actions as a spouse gives one a sense of … for lack of a better word… awe; an awareness of the need to give your best in this marriage.
2. I Can’t Change Him; I Can Only Change Me
This is so very very true. No one can make another human being change. Only God can do that. But we can make a decision, a conscious effort to change our reactions, our responses to the other’s actions/words. i pray daily that God grant me patience and understanding in being a wife.
3. Marriage is More About Holiness than Happiness
i have never thought of it this way. But my point of view is that marriage is a 2-way affair so there is always give and take. But if we keep count of how much we give and how much we get to take, then there is no true love; true love as described in the Bible does not “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor 13:5). Keeping no records! And focusing on the needs of the other above our own. God’s training ground for us to love the world more by learning to love in a safe environment.
4. You Will Never Drift Together; You Will Only Ever Drift Apart
While we try our best, most of the time his work travel schedule and my housekeeping/child-caring schedule leaves us little time for actually going out for a date type thing. So we settle for the next best thing, being with each other at home, after the kid has gone to bed. As long as he is here (i.e. not travelling), we also eat dinner together once a week (since kid started Judo a few years ago).
5. The Marriage Comes Before The Kid
i don’t think we ever sat down and talk this one out. We are Asian after all. We know that the other is important and we need each other to make this family work. So we take care of each other in little ways. Sometimes i do feel more could be done, BUT… i know he tries his best and i do too and that is all that matters.
6. If You Win a Battle, You Often Lose a War
i’m a non-confrontational person. i had the opposite problem; being unable to express my anger about things which really bugged me. i eventually exploded. Over the years i have gotten better and i think now i’m at a good point where if things really bother me, i think it through clearly for a few days and then i tell him i need to talk and we sit down and he listens. He is a man of few words and generally happy to go with the flow so there is little which bother him BUT if he is bothered, he does let me know, then i know it is really important to him. So i listen.
7. I Can Determines My Thoughts
This one took me a long while to learn. But i am getting good at it. i have an active imagination and it tends to run away, taking me with it. i’m getting good at telling it to stop and come back. Little by little imagination calms down and i can see the silver lining; the good things, which are so so so many many many.
My husband sometimes drives me insane but he is a most amazing, wonderful man who makes me laugh! And i love him!