Team Studer: 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

What a lovely list…

Team Studer: 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons.

i heart

1. Teach him the words for how he feels.

i find this a rather difficult thing to do… mainly cos i rarely identify out loud my own emotions but i do think this is soooo very very important for boys, especially! So i will continue to try…

2. Be a cheerleader for his life

Every kid needs encouragement. Every kid needs someone who will be there always, shouting, “Go! You can do it! Go!” Someone who will believe in him no matter what. And i can do that, i love to do that!

4. Read to him and read with him.

My favourite time with my little guy is when we crash onto my bed and he lays there while i read a big book with loads of words (no pictures) in it. He likes it too… not always, but when i insists, he ends up enjoying it… We also read before bedtime, read on the trains, planes etc…

10. Give him something to believe in

Faith is so very important. Without faith, there is no hope. Without hope, what is life? My faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is what keeps me going, day in, day out. And that is one thing i hope to pass this faith onto him, which i firmly believe will help him through his life, will give him direction and hope and purpose.

15. Let him lose

Oooh, this is such a bone with my little guy – he HATES to lose. That’s something his teacher pointed out in a recent teacher-parent meeting. He is getting better. Now he doesn’t throw the cards when he loses. He simply growls at you and says in a loud i-mean-business voice, “We’ll play till i win!” i pray hard he learns that winning isn’t everything… it’s the fun we had playing with each other…

20. Let his dad teach him how to do things

His daddy travels a fair bit for work so as much as i can, i get him to do stuff with daddy. i’ll even buy model kits for them to build so that they have something all ready for them to work on.

21. Give him something to release his energy

My little guy has soooo much energy – it’s so very amazing… but i believe i had a similar level of energy when i was his age too… This daily energy release is very important or both of us will be driven up the wall…

23. Take him to new places

i never leave him at home whenever i can. My parents took me and my brother everywhere – i mean EVERYWHERE… unless the place or invitation specifically states ‘no kids’. Babysitters were just never an option for my parents so we went with them or learnt early on how to stay at home by ourselves. So i have done the same for my boy – i take him everywhere and as soon as he showed enough independence, he stayed at home when we could not bring him with (this rarely happened).

24. Kiss him

i love kissing my little guy! He likes it too. But i have a sneaky suspicion that this “loving-kissing” stage isn’t going to last much longer – at least not in public ūüėČ

25. Be home base

Letting him go is & will be harder for me than for my husband. But i pray that when the day comes to let him explore the world on his own, God give me courage and hold me back. i also pray that my little guy will know that i’m always here for him – ALWAYS. Just as God is always here for us.

On boat from Lausanne to Vevey, Oct 2011

Which are your favourites? Do you have anything else to add?


You Do What To Your Kid??!!…

I. Am. A. Yeller. That’s right i am one of those mums who do yell. My poor kid, right? All, well, most “experts” say yell at your kid and you destory their self esteem. I yell not with that intention; i don’t think any parent (ok 99.9%) would yell with the intention of emotionally¬†destroying¬†their kid; but I am one of those really expressive people and keeping it all in is just so difficult. But i am learning.

Not only do i yell, i also smack my kid. i can just hear the chorus sucking in their collective breath in horror. Yes, i believe that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Of course, there is no need to raise your hand for every time your kid steps out of line. But there are some situations where a clear message really needs to be sent, such as lying, taking other people’s things, dangerous situations like playing with fire.

‘Don’t you feel guilty for making the child feel so bad?’, the chorus asks. Yes i do, lots of the time. But then i think is yelling all that horrible? i got yelled at, caned, smacked and look how I turned out – not perfect; i have great flaws but i would not¬†attribute¬†them to my parents’ method of discipline.

English: Rattan canes sold in Singapore
Image via Wikipedia

At a recent birthday party we attended, ¬†the talk around the table came to the issue of discipline and what was allowed these days. i was surprised to learn in certain countries, if you so much as smack your child on the hand in public, you could be arrested for abusing your kid, if someone chose to report you. i think that’s a bit much. Kids need¬†boundaries¬†and sometimes it takes a smack on the hand to get the message across. So what if the laws of the country say, you can only teach your child using talk. What if the laws of the country say, you would be put in jail when you decide that raising your voice to your kid is appropriate for a given situation. The results? Parents who are afraid to discipline, who do not effectively use talk-discipline and kids with no boundaries. The parents who spoke with us at the party did not expressively say they were against smacking, we were simply discussing what was allowed by law.

That brings me back to the sermon i heard the Sunday after the above discussion. It was about the Ten Commandments; the rules of God gave us to allow us to live a good life. And of course discipline was part of all that. God disciplines us for our own good. He’s not a party pooper. He helps to keep us on the path heavenward – that’s why He gave us rules as well as the consequences of not following them.

Proverbs 3:12¬†…because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Hebrews 12:10¬†…They (fathers/parents) disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.

So discipline is what God sees as a necessary way for us to learn what is best for us in life. And it is also part and parcel of being a parent. How you discipline is really up to you. i do not think that there is any one foolproof method of discipline.

I am a yeller. i am not saying that i have got this discipline thing down pat. i am learning every day. And i am also not saying that it is the only method of discipline i use. i most definitely use talk-discipline as well, more and more as he has gotten older. i do explain to my son why such and such is wrong, why he should be doing such and such instead. However, sometimes (i Thank God i seldom need this) some yelling and a smack is needed to get a heart issue across.

This post is not to justify any one method of discipline. i am just thinking out loud¬†about the situation for the parents if the laws of the country determined that such and such a method is abuse, if it were followed to the letter, where does that leave the parents, who are already confused by all the different opinions offered by “experts”?

First Day of School in 2012…

Tobias' School Bag

…after a 2-week Christmas/New Year break, today was back to the school routine, where we (meaning Mummy) are up at 6am in the morning, getting ready & fixing breakfast, then waking the Little Guy up & getting him fed, teeth brushed & clothed. Then the Little Guy wakes his Daddy with a goodbye kiss before he gets shooed out the door at 7.45am to meet his friends downstairs & they walk to school together.

Mummy’s favourite part of this early morning routine is standing at the bedroom window & watching the Little Guy walk down the street, happily chatting with his friends on their way to school (auf dem Schuleweg, in German). It sooo fills Mummy with pride to see her Little Guy growing up & being independent. While Mummy loves watching this, her heart aches a little knowing that there is no turning back the clock… so she is treasuring moments like this…


PS: this is not to say that there are no hair-pulling-child-discipline moments… there are… but Mummy knows that many many years later, she will likely remember more precious moments such as the above than frustrating moments ūüėČ