Family – Page 29 – trippingdifferently

September 9, 2013

It Has Been 11 Years!…

Yesterday was our 11th Wedding Anniversary!

i have been married for 11 years – that is … WOW!

Has all been happily ever after? Nope! We are not a fairytale. Has it been frustrating? Definitely (at times), as every relationship is. Has it been loving? Yes! Why else would we have gotten married in the first place. Has it been challenging? Of course! After all we are taking two very different people and getting them to live under the same roof and build a life together. Has it been exciting? Yes! Exciting to get to know each other more, exciting as we move to a whole new country together, exciting as we became a family of 3 and we look forward to more exciting years. Has it been wonderful? Yes! It has been wonderful knowing there is someone in this world who would be there for you, someone who would come home and be happy to see you there, someone who cares enough to let you finish the last ice cream on a hot summer’s day, someone who would let you talk his head off and look interested even if it’s a topic he doesn’t understand, someone who makes you smile.

11 years isn’t a long time but it isn’t a short time either. And through the years i have learnt lots.

Picture from one of my favourite movies, Up, Words credit: lovequotesandsayings.com

The article below sums up my thoughts on a lasting marriage:

7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage | To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

1. God is Your Father-in-law.
While i tend to think of God as Father to both of us, it works the same work. Being accountable to God for your actions as a spouse gives one a sense of … for lack of a better word… awe; an awareness of the need to give your best in this marriage.

2. I Can’t Change Him; I Can Only Change Me
This is so very very true. No one can make another human being change. Only God can do that. But we can make a decision, a conscious effort to change our reactions, our responses to the other’s actions/words. i pray daily that God grant me patience and understanding in being a wife.

3. Marriage is More About Holiness than Happiness
i have never thought of it this way. But my point of view is that marriage is a 2-way affair so there is always give and take. But if we keep count of how much we give and how much we get to take, then there is no true love; true love as described in the Bible does not “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor 13:5). Keeping no records! And focusing on the needs of the other above our own. God’s training ground for us to love the world more by learning to love in a safe environment.

4. You Will Never Drift Together; You Will Only Ever Drift Apart
While we try our best, most of the time his work travel schedule and my housekeeping/child-caring schedule leaves us little time for actually going out for a date type thing. So we settle for the next best thing, being with each other at home, after the kid has gone to bed. As long as he is here (i.e. not travelling), we also eat dinner together once a week (since kid started Judo a few years ago).

5. The Marriage Comes Before The Kid
i don’t think we ever sat down and talk this one out. We are Asian after all. We know that the other is important and we need each other to make this family work. So we take care of each other in little ways. Sometimes i do feel more could be done, BUT… i know he tries his best and i do too and that is all that matters.

6. If You Win a Battle, You Often Lose a War
i’m a non-confrontational person. i had the opposite problem; being unable to express my anger about things which really bugged me. i eventually exploded. Over the years i have gotten better and i think now i’m at a good point where if things really bother me, i think it through clearly for a few days and then i tell him i need to talk and we sit down and he listens. He is a man of few words and generally happy to go with the flow so there is little which bother him BUT if he is bothered, he does let me know, then i know it is really important to him. So i listen.

7. I Can Determines My Thoughts
This one took me a long while to learn. But i am getting good at it. i have an active imagination and it tends to run away, taking me with it. i’m getting good at telling it to stop and come back. Little by little imagination calms down and i can see the silver lining; the good things, which are so so so many many many.

My husband sometimes drives me insane but he is a most amazing, wonderful man who makes me laugh! And i love him!

syc

August 20, 2013

Annual SG Picture Summary…

Yep! It’s that time of the year again when i flood you with images of our trip back to our homeland, the tiny red dot, the island nation of Singapore 😉

This year, of course, we visited with family and friends and had a ball eating all the yummy foods we miss. But we did a whole lot more touristy things than previous years so i’ll be showing lots of places you can visit (whether you are local or foreign to SG).

The first place we visited was the S.E.A. Aquarium on the fun-filled island of Sentosa. The tickets are a little pricey but we thought the Aquarium was well done and worth the money. We were told to be prepared to queue even though we bought tickets online. But we chose a Monday and schools were already back in full swing so there was no crowd when we got there about 11am. However, it did start to get crowded later in the day. Your ticket enables you to enjoy the Maritime Experimential Museum as well which was good, but not very big. Tobias enjoyed it greatly as he loves all things ocean-related. If you wanted to cover the whole place thoroughly, i would advice giving it a whole day. We spent a little under 5 hours there, including lunch.

Tobias getting a henna tattoo of a scorpion at the Maritime Museum.

Some of the many sea creatures we saw. The last picture shows Walter and Tobias at the touch pool.

Left: The largest tank/window in the world. It was amazing to just sit there and watch. Right: At the celebrity restaurant, The Ocean Restaurant by Cat Cora.

Talking about the ocean, Tobias had great fun at this Sushi place which served your order on race cars (see picture below). We also did a nice long walk from Shenton Way (the financial center) to Marina Square, taking in the river-front sights and the Merlion Park. The place has certainly changed. See this post.

From Left to Right: At the Merlion Park, relaxing at the entrance of the Fullerton by the Bay Hotel, enjoying sushi delivered by race car ;) — From Left to Right: At the Merlion Park, relaxing at the entrance of the Fullerton by the Bay Hotel, enjoying sushi delivered by race car 😉

Next we headed to the far remote end of the island, Jurong, where the Singapore Discovery Centre is located. As the name suggests, it allows you to discover Singapore, its history and quirks. It was quite interesting. The Military Museum was just next door so we walked around that too. There you can learn what National Service is, how it started and what’s it like now. These places are free for citizens to visit. The highlight for Tobias was getting to shoot a real pistol and a standard-issued army rifle.

Shooting the pistol and playing TV stars. — Shooting the pistol and playing local TV stars.

Daddy showing the son what is known as the standard obstacle course (SOC) on a smaller scale. It is what all guys in Singapore go through in their National Service.

Singapore started as a little fishing village and for a long time people lived in villages, called kampongs. Now there is almost none left except a remote kampong on the mainland and on Pulau Ubin (Pulau means island in Malay). We decided Tobias needed to see/experience this kampong before it is gone too. So we spent a day cycling around the tiny island of Ubin. It was tiring but fun.

Tobias was so ready to ride at the start of the day. It took a whole ton of encouragement to get him to finish strong as he was starving by then, even with small snacks in between. — Tobias was so ready to ride at the start of the day. It took a whole ton of encouragement to get him to finish strong as he was starving by the end, even with small snacks in between.

Won't you like to live in such tranquility? The simple kampong life. — Won’t you like to live in such tranquility? The simple kampong life.

Here's Walter trying to pet some of the wild boars and my favourite - the mangroves. i'm fascinated by how they grow and root themselves and the creatures which live around them. — Left: Walter trying to pet some of the wild boars. Right: my favourite – the mangroves. i’m fascinated by how they grow and root themselves and the creatures which live around them.

We went back again to the island of Sentosa, this time we went to Adventure Cove Waterpark. It is filled with water-rides of the thrilling sort and the lazing sort. i don’t have many pictures as it is a waterpark and i don’t have a waterproof camera. There weren’t too many people (we went on a weekday and it was school-term time) but still Tobias was put off after having to queue just under 30 minutes for his first thrilling ride which lasted less than a minute. So if you are planning to go, try to go during non-peak times like we did. Or else be prepared to queue much longer. We spent a fair amount of time on the Lazy River and in the Wave Pool. The attraction which Tobias loved and gladly queued again for was the Rainbow Reef where you could snorkel and see the ocean reef-fishes.

Tobias all excited on the cable-car ride to Sentosa. A view of the waterpark as we "flew" over it. — Left: Tobias all excited on the cable-car ride to Sentosa. Right: A view of the waterpark as we “flew” over it.

Left: Tobias and my brother snorkling. Right: The overhead view of the empty and silent waterpark at the end of the day.

Our final tourist stop was the River Safari, showcasing all creatures which live along the major rivers of the world. This is not yet fully opened, one of the main rivers (the Amazon River) was closed, which was a shame as that was the only river which featured a boat ride. But ticket prices were reduced because of that so it was okay for us. Another main attraction here is the two Giant Pandas, KaiKai and JiaJia. A special enclosure in the middle of the Safari has been built for them and of course there were lots of Panda-themed merchandise and even food items you could get. Once again, Tobias enjoyed this as he loves water-creatures. However, because he has already watched so many documentaries about these creatures, he couldn’t be bothered to read more about them during this trip. So we finished walking around the whole Safari in less than 3 hours. But if you are going and if the Amazon River is open, then do plan for more time there. There are tickets you can buy which enables you to get entry into the Singapore Zoo, the River Safari as well as the Night Safari which are all next to each other. And if you are really into animals/birds, you can also get a ticket which would include the Bird Park (located in Jurong) as well.

Tobias really doesn't like being made the centre of attention in photos. — Tobias really doesn’t like being made the centre of attention in photos.

Top Left: Meekong River showcasing huge catfishes and kaps. Top Right: monkeys are actually quite at home near water. Bottom Left: The Red Panda. Bottom Right: a pair of Cranes.

The Giant Pandas; KaiKai and JiaJia. Can you guess which one is KaiKai (male)? — The Giant Pandas; KaiKai and JiaJia. Can you guess which one is KaiKai (*male*)?

i thought the "dragon" boat was so funny. But it is apparently sea-worthy as it has a license number. Safari is built into a large river which already served the other attractions there. — i thought the “dragon” boat was so funny. But it is apparently sea-worthy as it has a license number. The Safari is built onto a large river which already served the other attractions there.

The Mantees!! Another highlight for me. Of course there were also scary fish such as the piranhas and this ancient fish with it's gills on the outside (those white brushes). — The Manatees!! Another highlight for me. Of course there were also scary fish such as the piranhas and this ancient fish with its gills on the outside (*those white brushes*).

Well, that was the touristy highlights of our trip this year. We would highly recommend that all the above be enjoyed in the great companion of family and friends. We loved our time with our family and friends, just enjoying each other and the food, of course 😉

Till next year Singapore…
syc

May 31, 2013May 31, 2013

To Yell or Not To Yell…

… that’s the question! (be warned, this is going to be a stream of consciousness post.)

Yes it is! It has been a question which has occupied my mind before, in passing, at that point i decided i couldn’t deal with it. Then a couple of days ago i came across this post. And over the last couple of days, i had my son’s best friend stay with us for 48 hours, yes for 2 whole days i was a mother of two 😉

Now i have had this boy stay over with us before, quite a few times, usually just a one night thing (evening till lunch) and i have even taken him with us to a farm stay for two nights. We have had no problems and the boys get on really well, even though there were always times they fight/disagree. But for some reason, this time round, i had yelled so much more. i don’t know – they were just rowdier or it could be the phrase of the moon – who knows?

It is no secret – i’m a yeller. (See this post.) And yes i always feel bad after i yell. So when i read that post from Orange Rhino, i could identify with some of what she wrote but i disagree with some of it too.

For example,

2. My kids are my most important audience.

While i can understand where she is coming from, and i fully agree that if you have self-control in public, you can do the same in private, i have to say that i am not my son’s mother to get praises from him. This, likely, has much to do with my Asian upbringing. We are taught from young that we respect our parents, regardless, because they are our parents and everything (i mean EVERYTHING) they do is for our good, whether we see it or not. (Here’s more about that.) So being proclaimed “Best Mummy” is not a viable goal for me.

However, i heartily agree with the following statements:

4. I can’t always control my kids’ actions, but I can always control my reaction.

9. Taking care of me helps me to not yell.

Back to what i was feeling, i was feeling terrible for yelling so much over the last couple of days. And i kept thinking about this Orange Rhino Challenge and maybe i should do it. So i read about the 12 Steps and the Alternatives to Yelling.

The 12 Steps i like very much, it makes the goal of not yelling doable. The Alternatives to Yelling had me smiling through most of it. But i don’t think i would be able to use some of it, such as:

1. Run around the house

i live in an apartment (92m sq), filled with furniture, not much room to run around it. 😉

29. Go read favorite page of 50 Shades of Grey

Don’t have the book, don’t intend to or want to purchase it. 😛

37 . Open up the freezer and put head in

If you have been to our apartment or any small apartment in Switzerland, you would know it is not possible to put your head in the freezer! ahhahaa 😉

Ok so far, i’m leaning on the side of trying the challenge – at least for a month or a couple of weeks? Maybe?

THEN… i read this other post today! And i nodded through it. It is hard to not re-post it in its entirety here because i do love every line he wrote! But i will show restraint and post only what is related to yelling…

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison.

… and an encouraging line or two or three…

You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.

One of the reasons we are so exhausted is that we are oversaturated with information about the kind of parents we should be.

So maybe it’s time to stop reading the blogs that tell you how to raise the next President who knows how to read when she’s three and who cooks, not only eats, her vegetables. Maybe it’s time to embrace being the kind of parent who says sorry when you yell. Who models what it’s like to take time for yourself. Who asks God to help you to be a better version of the person that you actually are, not for more strength to be an ideal parent.

So where am i going with this post, my post?

Well, i don’t know. (i did warn you at the beginning.) i guess i’m still processing and i wanted to tell mummies and daddies out there:

You are doing the best you can. You love your child/ren. You feed them, clothe them, make sure they get an education, love them, have fun with them, hug them, talk with them, take care of them when they are unwell, you worry about their future, you hope and pray they will be well, strong, kind and show love to others… and much much more… You are doing the best you can so give yourself a break, take a seat, kick off your shoes, breath and have a drink (not necessarily alcoholic).

And whether or not i will take the “not yelling” challenge, we’ll talk about that another time. Until then, i intend to take the following advice from Orange Rhino when yelling situations occur:

94. Count to 10. Or 100. Or 1000 until you calm down. (forces one to regroup and get perspective)

95. Walk away (more opportunity to gain perspective)

96. Take a deep breath (if one is breathing, one can’t yell!)

97. Whisper (don’t know why this works, it just does!)

98. Turn the Lights off (the shocking factor stops kids in tracks and adds calmness)

…

100. Grab your hands together and squeeze (a great release)

Here’s to a relaxing parenting weekend! (Hopefully?)

syc