You Do What To Your Kid??!!…

I. Am. A. Yeller. That’s right i am one of those mums who do yell. My poor kid, right? All, well, most “experts” say yell at your kid and you destory their self esteem. I yell not with that intention; i don’t think any parent (ok 99.9%) would yell with the intention of emotionally destroying their kid; but I am one of those really expressive people and keeping it all in is just so difficult. But i am learning.

Not only do i yell, i also smack my kid. i can just hear the chorus sucking in their collective breath in horror. Yes, i believe that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Of course, there is no need to raise your hand for every time your kid steps out of line. But there are some situations where a clear message really needs to be sent, such as lying, taking other people’s things, dangerous situations like playing with fire.

‘Don’t you feel guilty for making the child feel so bad?’, the chorus asks. Yes i do, lots of the time. But then i think is yelling all that horrible? i got yelled at, caned, smacked and look how I turned out – not perfect; i have great flaws but i would not attribute them to my parents’ method of discipline.

English: Rattan canes sold in Singapore
Image via Wikipedia

At a recent birthday party we attended,  the talk around the table came to the issue of discipline and what was allowed these days. i was surprised to learn in certain countries, if you so much as smack your child on the hand in public, you could be arrested for abusing your kid, if someone chose to report you. i think that’s a bit much. Kids need boundaries and sometimes it takes a smack on the hand to get the message across. So what if the laws of the country say, you can only teach your child using talk. What if the laws of the country say, you would be put in jail when you decide that raising your voice to your kid is appropriate for a given situation. The results? Parents who are afraid to discipline, who do not effectively use talk-discipline and kids with no boundaries. The parents who spoke with us at the party did not expressively say they were against smacking, we were simply discussing what was allowed by law.

That brings me back to the sermon i heard the Sunday after the above discussion. It was about the Ten Commandments; the rules of God gave us to allow us to live a good life. And of course discipline was part of all that. God disciplines us for our own good. He’s not a party pooper. He helps to keep us on the path heavenward – that’s why He gave us rules as well as the consequences of not following them.

Proverbs 3:12 …because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Hebrews 12:10 …They (fathers/parents) disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.

So discipline is what God sees as a necessary way for us to learn what is best for us in life. And it is also part and parcel of being a parent. How you discipline is really up to you. i do not think that there is any one foolproof method of discipline.

I am a yeller. i am not saying that i have got this discipline thing down pat. i am learning every day. And i am also not saying that it is the only method of discipline i use. i most definitely use talk-discipline as well, more and more as he has gotten older. i do explain to my son why such and such is wrong, why he should be doing such and such instead. However, sometimes (i Thank God i seldom need this) some yelling and a smack is needed to get a heart issue across.

This post is not to justify any one method of discipline. i am just thinking out loud about the situation for the parents if the laws of the country determined that such and such a method is abuse, if it were followed to the letter, where does that leave the parents, who are already confused by all the different opinions offered by “experts”?

Kempt – The Phone Stack

Phone stack
Photo Stack - Image by Roo Reynolds via Flickr

Oooh… this is an excellent idea! i really wish i could implement this at home too… for hubby who is constantly connected or should i say 24/7 available to customers… sigh! Actually, i would like to create a stack for all electronic devices, put a ban on connectivity, just for that hour, so we can savour The Joy Of Quiet

Kempt – The Phone Stack.

While i agree that technology & all these wonderful little devices have made keeping in touch so much easier (something i am most grateful for since we are far from family & close friends). It has also made leaving work harder. It has reduce the significance of face to face communication for some people. We are losing skills here – skills like making small talk, looking people in the eye when speaking with them. Fewer persons can engage in meaningful conversations without a GUI (Graphic User Interface).

i am guilty of too much screen-time as much as the next person. Which is why i think to disconnect once in a while is a fantastic thing & i believe that dinner time is the excellent time to disconnect. EAT in my dictionary stands for Eat And Talk. So we should do that & no more Eat And Text 😉

Wishing you a peaceful time of disconnect.


The Sparkling Stars Are Gone…

Today i took down the Christmas Tree & all its decorations, took down the window decorations & balcony lights, took down the wreath on the front door & the little bells on the bedroom doors. They are all packed into their boxes, waiting for 365 days to pass before making their appearance again.

After & Before TakeDown
After & Before TakeDown

Now i look at my windows, at my walls, at the doors & they all look so empty, too white, too plain. It made me think about all that craziness that happens just for the sake of making Christmas special – the buying, the rush, the presents, the cards, the decorations, the lights, the food, the parties & so much more…

What is the real reason for doing all these? For us, the reason for the season is Jesus Christ & He is what makes Christmas special, not all the frills.

This led me to thoughts about how we sometimes fill our lives with “decorations” & how it blocks the view out of the window. How we sometimes only see the display of sparkling stars on the window & we miss the beautiful real stars out there in the velvet night sky. Are we sometimes lost in the shimmering lights & the true light in our lives is lost?

i know i am, very many times, caught in the doing & i lost out on the being. Like being a parent; i’m so into doing it right, making sure he has everything, getting him to accomplish that i forget about being a mummy; simply being there for my little guy, just enjoy being his mother, just enjoy him.

What are the true and valuable things in your life? Maybe it is time to take down the decorations & truly look & step into the real world. Sometimes when things are white & plain are when they are clear and sure.