Tag: being parent

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Why French Parents Are Superior…

After my post entitled “I don’t want to raise a good child…“, i thought i would not be posting about parenting any time soon. But here i am with another article i read some time ago and just can’t get it out of my head. So here it is:

Why French Parents Are Superior by Pamela Druckerman – WSJ.com.

i have not been to Paris or been able to observe French parenting in action. But from what the article describes, that’s the sort of parent i would like to be – one who is calm and authoritative without screaming or yelling. i also wished i had read this when my boy was little. While i am very firm and strict with my parenting, it did not come without the loud shouting matches. Now my boy is getting older, and has learned the boundaries and rules, i am grateful as my discipline volume is no longer on loud, just on medium. i just need to get it down to speaking volume 😉

i fully agree that if a parent is firm and speaks with conviction, the child will listen. Children can indeed smell fear or at least know when their parent are likely to cave. Give them a tiny chance and they will challenge your authority, just because they are kids and are testing to see when the state-line ends. If one is clear as to where that line stands, then it will be clear to the child too and they will, quite amazingly, keep within those limits. The ‘big eyes’ with an accompanying firm and stern, “Child’s Name!”, usually works for me.

i also believe that there is no need to repeat the same instructions with the same threats again and again. If the kid chooses not to listen, then the threatened consequence should be carried out. That’s why one should always threaten with something one would be comfortable carrying out.

18 months, entertaining himself, feeding his toy cat water 🙂

The other thing i agree with the article is the need for children to learn to play on their own. i’m very glad that i read about this (in another parenting book) when my son was little. Even then, at 9 months old, he was already resisting playing on his own, insisting that Mummy plays with him all the time. It was tough but we now have a child who can go play by himself if we request that of him. And he does not feel neglected in any way. He understands that there are times when Mummy/Daddy need time to themselves. Time by himself also gives him space to unwind and relax. i completely understand that parents love their children and want to spend as much time with them as possible, especially when it is your first child. i felt the same way but resisting the urge to pay my son constant attention has its rewards 🙂

i leave you with these:

French Lessons

  • Children should say hello, goodbye, thank you and please. It helps them to learn that they aren’t the only ones with feelings and needs.
  • When they misbehave, give them the “big eyes”—a stern look of admonishment.
  • Allow only one snack a day. In France, it’s at 4 or 4:30.
  • Remind them (and yourself) who’s the boss. French parents say, “It’s me who decides.”
  • Don’t be afraid to say “no.” Kids have to learn how to cope with some frustration.

Has this been helpful? Will you adopt some of the French parenting techniques? Or maybe you are already using these techniques without even realising it?

syc

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I don’t want to raise a good child…

If you are a mother, you know what i mean when i say that there are days i feel i have failed; i have not done enough this or done too much of that. i have allowed my son too much freedom or too little freedom. i’m being too permissive, i’m being too strict. He’s not behaving because i did not do this or use that method of discipline. He would be a less impulsive child had i insisted on this or that earlier in his little life. He would be more single-minded if i did not offer him too many choices, or should i have offered more choices. i should not yell so that he would not grow up to be a yeller or a bully. i should, i should, i should… the list is never-ending. Sigh!

If you have ever entertained any of the above thoughts, then you need to read this article.

Lysa TerKeurst – I don’t want to raise a good child.

You have no idea how much i needed to hear what Lysa had to say, and i dare say that there are mums out there who need to hear this too.

My beloved fountain-dancing round peg 😉

i have a fountain-dancing child; a round peg of a child who has been told he needs to fit into that square hole and he has been labelled for the convenience of the school system. So i have been trying my desperate best to help my son get into that square hole. It is not easy – there are places where his roundness just overfills the square, there are places where his roundness does not fill in the corners properly.

i am not upset about the labelling. i just want to know how i can help him to better get along in this strange world we live in; how can he be part of this world and yet still shine for the Lord and fulfill the plans God has for him.

Reading what Lysa wrote greatly encouraged me. i need to be raising a God-following adult, not a fit-into-this-world adult, because we are children of God and our permanent address is Heaven, not Earth. Only when he is a follower of God can he fulfill God’s purposes for him; purposes which are always best for him because God is God and He knows best.

i leave you with the 3 simple mothering perspectives from Lysa’s post:

1. Don’t take too much credit for their good.

2. Don’t take too much credit for their bad.

3. Don’t try to raise a good child. Raise a God-following adult.

And all the mamas of fountain dancing children said, “Amen!”

So mums say “Amen” and be encouraged; you are doing your best and God picked you to be your child’s mother, His Purpose shall be accomplished – simply pray that God help you and all of us to raise God-following adults!

And let us love our round-pegged children for who they are.

syc

PS: Sometimes it is good to go dance in the fountain with your child/children, feel what they feel – the freedom to be who they are.

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World Autism Day…

Today, 2nd April, is World Autism Day – its Light It Up Blue day.

Autism is a complex disorder… being on the spectrum (Autism Spectrum) means very different things for different kids diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The movie Rain Man does not do Autism justice… it did highlight Autism to the world but it did not do enough to explain the reality of Autism.

It is such a complex disorder of which i confess to know only the tip of the iceberg. So i will direct you to the experts – Autism Speaks.

i also want to point you to an interview given by Colleen Swindoll, daughter of well-known Christian writer and pastor, Charles Swindoll, and mother to three children, one of whom is on the spectrum.

These words she said during the interview hit home for me:

Tears are okay in our home; candid and honest soul work is openly talked about. I don’t force my kids to “like” life or put on some fake smiley face…Christ didn’t, He doesn’t tell us to do that today, and the lack of authenticity only complicates life.

i am guilty of this. i’m a non-confrontational person. i avoid conflict as much as i can. i keep the peace not because i agree with the other person but because i can not face the prospect of an argument. So there have been times i smile and say ok when it is not. And it does complicate life and makes me feel fake.

Having a special needs kid throws that all out the window. You can not afford to be unreal or sweep things under the carpet with special needs. It needs to be met head on.

The best people to show you that is your special needs child. i like what Colleen Swindoll says about her ASD son:

Of us all, he is the strongest as his body doesn’t cooperate with this life yet he keeps moving through each moment the best he can. It’s pretty simple, very humbling. He is a living picture of how God must love us, care for us, and desire us to fall into His arms for help and strength.

i pray daily for my little Heath and little Heather who have Down Syndrome and live in institutions which are so very poorly equipped to handle their special needs.  At the same time, i marvel at how their little bodies keep going on (they are almost 11 and 10 respectively). i can only say that the Lord has a hand in their lives which gives me hope that as i pray, because i know He is moving to bring their forever families closer to bringing them home. Would you pray with me? Would you consider advocating for them? Would you consider that maybe you are the family God has prepared for them?

If you know someone who is on the spectrum (adult or child), do consider doing something special for them this week, such as giving them an extra hug or simply spending the time to get to know them.

syc