If you have been my friend and you have been a new mum or a new dad and i have been less than encouraging, i am sorry. i am sorry for all the over-the-top comments i have made about the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’ of parenthood. i am most definitely no expert, just a mum who is also learning her way around this challenging yet fulfilling place called ‘parenthood’.
What i should have been doing is cheering you on with comments such as, “You are doing great.”, “Don’t worry. Things will turn fine when she/he grows up.”, “You have done such a wonderful job of raising her/him.”, “You are a fantastic mum/dad.”, “Just you wait till she/he smiles that first smile.”.
The link below leads to a post written with great perspective – a perspective every parent should be inspired to have.
It still takes my breath away to think that he grew from this helpless day old babe to this very active, funny almost 8-year old boy!
In just 15 days, my little guy turns 8! Time has flown! Many of the “Just Waits” have come and gone, sadly, but i have so many more “Just Waits” to come. And i look forward to them, gladly.
As i read this article, i can’t help but think about all the orphans listed on Reece’s Rainbow who are still waiting, just waiting; just waiting for their forever families to come and get them, just waiting for a mummy or a daddy to pick them up and swing them around, just waiting for siblings who would play with them, just waiting to be in a loving home. And it is a hope we can bring to fruit – we just need to keep praying, keep advocating, keep sharing. Consider adopting one of these precious ones if you can.
On Sunday, my lovely Sunday School Pre-school class children came into class, each holding a lovely tulip in their hands. They gave the tulips to me! i was surprised and very very happy about it. It’s so nice to receive gifts, especially unexpected ones and when they are your favourite flowers,… well… i was simply over-the-moon!
Since it was a surprise, i had no vase to put the flowers in, they were sort of dying by the time we got home with them. i pulled out my trusty plastic vase and filled it with water. As i was doing that, Tobias said, “Mummy, you need to put some sugar in there.” Apparently, that’s what they were taught in school. (i love how the school here doesn’t just focus on academics but also teach the kids to appreciate nature and the world around them.)
So i did put a little sugar in there and by the evening,… well here are the before and after pictures for you to compare.
Isn’t it amazing what a little water can do for a desperately thirsty flower? They went from limp and almost passing out to standing tall and proud.
Now beginning at the end of February, i have been regularly posting about Reece’s Rainbow and the special needs orphans it advocates for. i have become a prayer warrior for two of those kids (Heath & Heather). i also advocate for other kids listed on the RR website on my Facebook, almost daily and sometimes even multiple times a day.
i get the feeling that some of my friends might think that i have gone off my rocker – so to speak. But i have not. Some may think: “What’s the point of praying and advocating? Will it really change anything?”
Yes it will! Like the water and sugar to the tulips, so are my prayers and advocacy efforts for these orphans. i truly believe that God Himself, Jesus Himself, the Holy Spirit Himself, will carry my sugared water to these orphans and feed them.
Many of these orphans (not all, Thank God), live a sort of half-life. They are alive, they are given enough to keep them alive but being in understaffed and underfunded institutes means that they are being left to sit in their chairs all day with nothing to do, no one to interact with… many rock or hit their heads to self-stimulate… that just isn’t a life at all! We are made to be community creatures; without community, without some sort of interaction, one slowly wastes away. And that is exactly what is happening to these orphans.
i also pray and advocate because i believe with all my heart, that having a family who loves them and cares for them, who wants them and wants to interact with them, a family who will play with them, talk with them and do all the fantastic family stuff with them – that – THAT will allow these precious ones to blossom and bloom… a loving family will be the water with sugar which will enable them to stand up tall and proud, no longer wilted or stunned or unwanted.
So open your hearts to these orphans: love them, pray for them, advocate for them, adopt them…
Look at that cute face! He needs his mummy today. Are you his mummy?
MEET LANGLEY
Birthdate: October 2007 Gender: Male Eyes: Blue Hair: light brown Nature: Quiet Diagnosis: Down syndrome From one of our adoptive families who met him in December 2011: ” I saw him today. After days of scanning faces, I walked into Bella’s groupa and SAW HIM!! He is a doll. He is so cute! He looks healthy and is walking. I had a banana for Bella (which they wouldn’t let me give it to her) and he took it. He bit right through the peeling. If they would have let me, I would have given it to him. Oh sweet boy…you need a mama!!!” Friendly, emotional, affectionate boy. Active, social, friendly. Easy going. Eats well independently. Plays well with toys and likes to help others.
After my post entitled “I don’t want to raise a good child…“, i thought i would not be posting about parenting any time soon. But here i am with another article i read some time ago and just can’t get it out of my head. So here it is:
i have not been to Paris or been able to observe French parenting in action. But from what the article describes, that’s the sort of parent i would like to be – one who is calm and authoritative without screaming or yelling. i also wished i had read this when my boy was little. While i am very firm and strict with my parenting, it did not come without the loud shouting matches. Now my boy is getting older, and has learned the boundaries and rules, i am grateful as my discipline volume is no longer on loud, just on medium. i just need to get it down to speaking volume 😉
i fully agree that if a parent is firm and speaks with conviction, the child will listen. Children can indeed smell fear or at least know when their parent are likely to cave. Give them a tiny chance and they will challenge your authority, just because they are kids and are testing to see when the state-line ends. If one is clear as to where that line stands, then it will be clear to the child too and they will, quite amazingly, keep within those limits. The ‘big eyes’ with an accompanying firm and stern, “Child’s Name!”, usually works for me.
i also believe that there is no need to repeat the same instructions with the same threats again and again. If the kid chooses not to listen, then the threatened consequence should be carried out. That’s why one should always threaten with something one would be comfortable carrying out.
18 months, entertaining himself, feeding his toy cat water 🙂
The other thing i agree with the article is the need for children to learn to play on their own. i’m very glad that i read about this (in another parenting book) when my son was little. Even then, at 9 months old, he was already resisting playing on his own, insisting that Mummy plays with him all the time. It was tough but we now have a child who can go play by himself if we request that of him. And he does not feel neglected in any way. He understands that there are times when Mummy/Daddy need time to themselves. Time by himself also gives him space to unwind and relax. i completely understand that parents love their children and want to spend as much time with them as possible, especially when it is your first child. i felt the same way but resisting the urge to pay my son constant attention has its rewards 🙂
i leave you with these:
French Lessons
Children should say hello, goodbye, thank you and please. It helps them to learn that they aren’t the only ones with feelings and needs.
When they misbehave, give them the “big eyes”—a stern look of admonishment.
Allow only one snack a day. In France, it’s at 4 or 4:30.
Remind them (and yourself) who’s the boss. French parents say, “It’s me who decides.”
Don’t be afraid to say “no.” Kids have to learn how to cope with some frustration.
Has this been helpful? Will you adopt some of the French parenting techniques? Or maybe you are already using these techniques without even realising it?
trippingdifferently 