Thoughts – Page 13 – trippingdifferently

August 15, 2013August 15, 2013

Too Much Parenting?…

Education vs Experience (Photo credit: gtalan)

So over the last few weeks, which i spent in my homeland of Singapore, i have observed my friends with their children and other children in general. i have eavesdropped on conversations (not intentionally, people are just in such close proximity on public transport, it can’t be helped).
My friends and we generally share the same basic principles in parenting and allowing our children to learn as much as they can on their own.

But the conversations of the kids on the trains tell me something else. They seemed so pre-occupied with issues which are non-issues really. But then they were teens and of cos i’m on a completely different wavelength.

Then i spoke to another friend who is a lecture at a technical institute and am horrified to hear that even there, the last stop before these young people face society as working adults, students hide behind their parents; getting their parents to fight for everything from a better grade to days off without valid reasons, to excuses for undone work.

All the above left me wondering and making a comparison with the way kids are taught here, what they are expected to learn and be able to do on their own here. It also reminded me of this article: Why my child will be your child’s boss – CBS News.

Have a read and let me know what you think.

My favourite line:

So, while he’s 4 and generally covered in dirt, I suspect he’ll be more prepared for leadership when we move back to the U.S. than will children who have no freedom and responsibility and face no consequences.

That is, if he doesn’t cut off his own hand with the saw.

syc

August 7, 2013

Friends and Friendship…

This evening i met up with a dear friend. We have been friends since our teens and have studied together at 2 schools, seen each other through those difficult, funny, frustrating, silly, adventurous years.

We see each other once a year and try to keep up over a couple of emails, maybe Facebook messages. Every time we meet up we talk about what’s been happening for us and what has changed since the good ‘o days. 😉

It is so wonderful to have a friend with whom i can do this with.

We lamented over how life had changed and people are so busy with work that it is hard to meet up and spend some meaningful time with each other.

We also vent our frustrations about our current situations (if any). We give each other advice (if it is needed). Knowing fully that it is safe to do so.

But most importantly, we listen to each other and simply enjoy each other’s company. And share good food.

People often ask me if i miss my home country. i may not miss the country as a land itself. i do miss family.

And i dearly miss friends such as this wonderful lady i had dinner with tonight. i miss having a friend who totally gets what you are talking about without every detail explained. A friend whom you know and can trust not to judge you and your every word or action. A friend who likes you for being you, accepting you, faults and all. A friend with whom you can pick up the relationship where you left off and not fault each other for not sending an email every week/month.

Over the last 4 days, that is what i have been doing, meeting up with old friends who are dear to me. And it has been great!

So to my dear old friends, thank you for being who you are and for being my friend. i hope that we will be able to continue spending more time with each other, building our friendship up, caring for each other.

i Thank God for giving us friends.

syc

PS: And i miss the food in my home country lots!

July 31, 2013

Please Don’t Help My Kids…

Today my son got a new toy (shhh… don’t tell my husband…).

So when we got home to Grandma’s house, he wanted to open it. i said, “Sure.” He set about happily opening it. But got kinda stuck at the last part. Grandma wanted to help him but i told her he can manage. And he did after a bit more struggle.

That was a very very tiny event. But it reminded me of this article: Please Don’t Help My Kids – Kate Bassford Baker’s Blog – Alameda, CA Patch.

Click on image to find out more about it… i think it’s a great art piece… reaching for the sky…

i completely agree with her. Kids need to learn that they have the ability to do whatever it is they need or want to get done. They just have to push themselves just that little bit harder, try again.

That has always been the spirit which we try to instill in our little guy (not so little anymore, i have to constantly remind myself).

We don’t buy every toy he wants. He saves his own money and buys some of his toys himself. (Doting grandparents buy a fair bit of his toys, we don’t.) Or i would wait till he has shown wonderfully good behaviour and surprise him by telling him he can get a toy or i would pay for half an expensive toy for him. We want him to learn the value of money as well as patience and to have the ability to save for later (delayed gratification).

We encourage him to try to do everything he can himself. We do very little for him these days (he is after all 9 already). We have always nudge him to try new things. We want him to not be afraid and to dive into life, loving what it has to offer.

We don’t fuss over every fall or cut he has. We check it, ask if he is alright and get him to carry on. We have always tried not to baby him and to allow him to fall and pick himself up.

We try to get him to solve issues with his friends himself, only offering advice as to possible solutions when he asks. Same with difficult homework.

All because we…

…want (him) to know the exhilaration of overcoming fear and doubt and achieving a hard-won success.

…want (him) to believe in (his) own abilities and be confident and determined in (his) actions.

…want (him) to accept (his) limitations until (he) can figure out a way past them on (his) own significant power.

…want (him) to feel capable of making (his) own decisions, developing (his) own skills, taking (his) own risks, and coping with (his) own feelings…

It is not the easiest thing to do as a parent because the first thing i wanna do is to rush over and protect him, keep him safe from all the hurts and bad things. But i will not always be there so i need to help equip him to deal with the mountains he might face.

Is this what they call “Tough Love”? Maybe. But i have seen too many kids who have grown up with a sense of entitlement, a sense of the ‘world-owes-me’ to not be tough for the sake of my little guy and his future.

syc